Communication in Kink

One of the things I love most about BDSM and kink is the focus on communication. It is one of the most important aspects. Safe, sane and consensual play can’t exist without open and clear communication. It’s one of the reasons Dommes hate the response “whatever you want Mistress” or “I have no boundaries Mistress, do whatever you want to me”. Neither of those things is true, and it makes playing safely and in an enjoyable way much harder.

If you said as a submissive “whatever you want Mistress”, and then I decided to just play ukulele the whole time it would not be that much fun for you (unless you have excellent taste in music). And I have fun when the person I’m playing with is having a good time. I would probably not even enjoy playing ukulele the whole time because I would sense your disinterest, and I like to know the person I’m playing with is enjoying it. Even if enjoying it means crying in pain or being absolutely humiliated. I’m a perfectionist who enjoys being good at what I do, and when I have a clue of what you like it makes it easier for me to have a good time.

And subs who say, “I have no boundaries” or “I don’t use safewords,” well first it tells me you are inexperienced at kink (which it’s fine to be but not in this way), and again it’s a lie. If I wanted to push you off a building that would obviously be a limit. It’s important to think about your limits rather than prove you can take anything. It’s harmful to you, and it is also harmful for the Domme who then does not know your limits and could suffer emotionally themselves for unintentionally pushing you past them. Limits protect both of us.

Communication goes the other way as well. I am a very literal person, and I like that in Domming the best way to communicate is as clearly and with as much detail as possible in my directions. That way as a submissive you know what my expectations are, and are able to fulfill them. When I give tasks I try to go into as much detail as I can for what I want and how I want it done. I will tell you when I want a photo or video. I will tell you what position I want you in. If it is something you should be doing I will tell you. So the best thing you can ever do is fully listen to my directions (more than once if you need), and then do exactly as I say. Not more or less. When I receive a question about my directions I will even go back and listen to them again, so that I don’t accidentally change anything because I want to be consistent in what I’m telling you.

Lastly, me communicating my boundaries to you is just as important, and it is just as important you respect them. I have occasionally run into subs pushing my boundaries even after I clearly state them. One I see the most is being sent photos or videos without a Tribute. I state it clearly on my Tip Menu, but I understand that can be forgotten or missed. But once I have stated it to you personally there is no reason to push back. If it’s not something you can live with then it’s better you go elsewhere. Feeling coerced is one of the things that makes me anxious and altogether put off from playing with someone. I partially got into Femdom because I HATED coercive dudes who would subtly try to push my stated limits. It makes me feel gross and disrespected. My favorite subs are the ones who respect my boundaries and my time. I want to adore my subs, so please be a sub I can adore and not a boundary pusher. You will get a better experience from me, and I will feel more comfortable to go full out in our interactions.