Domming Being A Role As Facilitator

I saw a TikTok on healthy Dominant dynamics, and the creator (golden_groove on TikTok) talked about how healthy Dommes are facilitators. This hit home for me, and was a great way of describing what I love about Domming. They said, “the key to being a good facilitator is to get feedback, to read the room, understand the goal, respect the process, and then managing the team in a journey of discovery first.”

What I love about Domming is helping people to understand themselves and their desires. Also it is not me helping them to discover what I want them to, but rather assist them in figuring out what they want to discover. Because I don’t necessarily know what you desire. Sometimes I might have a better guess because I have seen similar things before, and my brain loves finding patterns. But I could be wrong which is why feedback is important. Me listening is integral to being able to read the room, and from that understanding the goal.

Let’s use an example. Pet play can have many different reasons behind it. Maybe you like doing something you find humiliating and degrading, and so acting like an animal at my command dehumanizes you. And being dehumanized turns you on because your wants no longer matter. But it could also be that pet play, by making you not human, takes away responsibility from you and gives you the freedom from all of your normal human decisions you have to make. Maybe the thought of being a pet to an owner means you have someone to care for and love you while you play. So you can tell me you like pet play, but without getting more feedback and paying attention to your responses I don’t know which it is. And maybe you don’t either, which is okay. That’s why I’m here, to try to guide you to finding what it is you need and want that you are not normally getting. What need is this trying to fill? I am trying to manage you, so that YOU can find the answer.

I love psychology, and thinking about why we do or want things. And so I love facilitating people in self discovery. This is one reason I love so many different kinks. Because what I truly love is helping people discover what they need and want, and through that I enjoy many kinks. Because the simple act of the kink is not usually the thing that I really love, but instead seeing it through your eyes. And also learning how to manipulate it for your desired goal.

And this is just one more reason that, “whatever you want Mistress,” is not the answer any Domme wants to hear. Because how can I facilitate without getting feedback? We sometimes think within a D/s relationship as being whatever the Domme wants, and all about them. Where in a healthy D/s relationship it is about the Domme facilitating what the sub needs. A Domme may play as selfish because the sub wanting to please them is what the sub wants, but a truly selfish Domme is not healthy (and can lead to abusive situations).

My wants at the end of the day are to facilitate your journey of discovery. And it is a really beautiful thing to see.