I'm Not a Femdom for the Money, but I Do It for the Money

I am a Femdom because I LOVE DOMMING, and not because of the money, but I DO IT FOR THE MONEY.

Mistress Mystique Hoops

1/1/20214 min read

Femdom Mistress with purple hair in harness and pasties staring at camera
Femdom Mistress with purple hair in harness and pasties staring at camera

I am a Femdom because I LOVE DOMMING, and not because of the money, but I DO IT FOR THE MONEY. I started out for the first 7 years of my BDSM life as a lifestyle Domme (and still am with my personal submissive Best Bitch). I went to fetish parties and made friends. I played in my free time. I finished a writing degree at a prestigious university in one of the top programs. Femdom was never meant to be a career (though I did write about it right when I started, and told my m0ther to her horror). Then life happened. The pandemic happened. Losing the measly office job (I had finally scraped together - in a hard to enter field I loved) after years of Times Square bartending hell happened. An ADHD and then later an Autism self diagnosis happened. And I took the leap and made an OnlyFans.

I had considered stripping or camming in the past, but knew I’d probably hate it for many reasons. But this excited me. At first my idea was more half naked hula hooping (because I also do circus performance), and then decided I should add in my Femdom self as well. Then I realized the Femdom thing was just probably a better idea entirely. Hence the Mistress Mystique Hoops - along with there being a Mistress Mystique already, so something to differentiate.

I quickly fell in love with what I do, and have become happier than I’ve ever been in any job. I’ve always been sexually outspoken (ie see telling my m0m the second I entered BDSM), and I feel like I’ve found my place. It’s not easy work, and it’s not easy money. I still do not make even close to a full living off of it despite doing it for full time hours. But I’ve made more off of it than any other personal business venture, or from my writing and fancy degree. FYI it was a very specific form of writing degree, so please do not judge me off of my most likely rambly blog essay filled with grammatical errors. I am also very privileged to have a partner who helps to financially support me, and makes this work possible for me (THANK YOU BOYFRIEND). Most do not have that privilege, and it allows me to be more selective in what I do.

The pandemic taught me not only about my ADHD and Autism (I’m an AuDHDer as I like to say), but about what my needs for those are. Working from home helped solve so many of my sensory needs as an autistic person, and made it clear how much pain I was just working through before. Getting to be in a job that not only sparks my interest, but gives me so many different types of work from marketing to video editing, keeps my ADHD interested. I’m doing something that interacts with my sense of social justice from sex worker’s rights to gender/sexuality issues. I get to connect with so many great kinky people while also being the introvert who gets to spend many hours a day alone in my room. And my autistic side is happy with sex work because there’s no real exact way it’s supposed to be done, and so many other Dommes/subs are also nuerodivergent.

Something I hear a lot when I ask subs why they are drawn to me is, “You seem to look like you actually enjoy/care about doing this rather than just in it for the money.” Part of me loves hearing that my natural enthusiasm for Femdom shines through, and part of me cringes because that line is used a lot to try to get free play (especially out of newer sex workers).

I love that I get to help people explore their kinks. I love the look on my parent’s faces when I try to explain what beta censoring or sissification is to them. I really love getting to assist those exploring the idea of gender or their sexuality. I’m a bi woman who came out late in life, and has a bi man as a partner. These issues are personal to me. My m0m was asking me when I thought I might find a real career, and I went on and on about how I love what I do, and how it helps people. But at the end of the day…I LOVE MONEY.

And I say I love money as the girl who’d prefer camping gear and Etsy gift cards over designer clothes. But money is stability and safety. Money is a necessity in life. I would of course keep Domming in my personal life if it weren't for money (my relationships are literally built off kink), but I wouldn’t get online everyday without it. I wouldn’t make marketing social media posts everyday without it (I barely post at all in my “real life”). I definitely wouldn’t have a spreadsheet of exactly what photo was used in what reddit post and exactly how many times and which subreddits. I wouldn’t spend hours building websites, and learning google optimization. I wouldn’t even play with people online who I don’t know at all, and are mostly looking to fulfill their own sexual satisfaction.

We’ve all heard the line that if you want to be paid “you’re not a real Domme.” And not wanting to do it online full time without the money does not mean I’m not a real Domme. It means I’m a human who has only 24 hours in the day, and also needs to provide for herself financially. I only work with the fetishes I enjoy, but I have no reason to want to play with one of the thousands of strangers in my inbox saying any of the following - hi, hi mistress, m0mmy, what’s up, I’d shove a carrot up my ass for you, hey sexy - that I hear daily. Money shows me you value my time. And being an enthusiastic sub who can communicate well and is enjoyable to play with just makes me love you even more! That’s the sub I look forward to playing with…but not for free. My free time is for playing with my friends and partners.

I want my subs to connect with the IRL fetish community. I want them when possible to find kinky partners or a Domme to share their life with. I am rooting for all of my subs to find out how kink can fit in and improve their lives. I am rooting for them, and you reader, to get to explore this wonderful kinky world with me and without me. But remember I do it for the money, and it is not actually easy money to make.