In Defense Of Forced Bi

I have sometimes heard Dommes discussing the forced bisexuality kink and whether or not it is a homophobic kink. And I’m here to say that at least in my opinion as a bisexual I do not think it is homophobic (not that it can’t become so if done certain ways). Bisexuality has so much stigma around it: we’re sluts, we’re faking it for attention, we’re on the way to “full” gay, or we just can’t make up our mind. Even I thought growing up that men generally couldn’t be bisexual and would just end up gay or that I love fucking women but I wouldn’t want to date them because don’t all women want to fuck each other (and I really regret having these views and see they came from my own internalized homophobia). Today there are still plenty of gay people who have prejudices against bisexuals and won’t date them. And all of this is as a bisexual woman, where being bisexual is less stigmatized than being a bisexual man. Bisexual men have to deal with a lot more issues around masculinity.

Even though the majority of adults in the L.G.B.T.Q. community identify as bisexual, at 54.6 percent we are less likely to come out (Gallup). In 2013, only 28 percent of bisexual people said they were out to most or all the important people in their lives, compared with 77 percent of gay men and 71 percent of lesbians (Pew Research Center). I flip flopped through labels for years: straight, bisexual, heteroflexible….and I later realized I was bi all along (you think stealing my Dad’s Playboys constantly as a child would have been a clue). If you’re not in a gay passing relationship it can be really hard to come out. I came out to my mom late in life the night before my birthday when I was visiting. Her response, “I don’t want to hear about this,” and, “what does your Boyfriend think about it?” My birthday did not go great, and this is coming from a super liberal hippy dippy family. If you’re in a heterosexual relationship people wonder why you bother coming out or assume you're straight. If you’re in a homosexual relationship as a woman they assume you’re a lesbian. No matter who you date, unless you have multiple partners, people generally won’t see you as bi. It’s one reason I am SOOOOO loud about being bisexual.

So Mistress, how does any of this relate to the forced bi kink? When you are unsure of your sexuality the forced bi kink gives you a safe space to play with it. Especially for men who have long gone by straight because toxic masculinity is the gift that keeps on giving. When you are being “forced” it’s not your fault. It makes it feel less shameful because it is not your choice. The same can be said for sissification. It is letting you explore part of yourself that you might otherwise not feel okay exploring. Not everyone who explores forced bi is bi, but even then often the humiliation element comes from being forced to do something you’d never do rather than inherently thinking homosexuality is bad. But if you get turned on at the idea of being forced to suck a dick as a man, you might be bi. And there is nothing wrong with that. Come out, don’t come out, you do what is best and safest for you.

I personally love using humiliating or derogatory language I don’t agree with in the real world. Telling a sub he’s not a real man, or is a beta, and so he needs to watch my alpha Boyfriend fuck me is fun. I don’t actually believe in the “real man” concept, but I’ve found for subs sometimes hearing those things can be therapeutic. It turns a fear into a turn on, and going to that extreme in play can help you not feel that way in real life, or enjoy feeling that way. Almost all humiliation comes from a place of exploring and accepting ourselves, even if it seems like the exact opposite.