Neurodiversity in Kink

I want to talk about neurodiversity in kink because it effects how I domme. I've become increasingly interested in the overlap of neurodivergent people and people who practice bdsm or a form of kink because it turns out it is common for the neurodivergent to be into kink. If you don't know neurodivergent describes someone whose brain doesn't work the same as the majority of the world (neurotypical people). This includes people with ADHD or Autism. I personally have ADHD (only learned more recently and wow did that change my life with meds and understanding my brain). I've read a couple of reasons for this are our sensory processing issues and difficulty with communication and expectations.

As far as sensory goes we either have too much stimuli or not enough stimuli. In kink you may take away stimuli with things like blindfolds or earplugs. I personally can process things better with my eyes closed, or I might be like shiny object, what were we talking about? And obviously we add a ton of stimuli from spanking to teasing with feathers. These things help because it keeps us focused. And because how we use stimuli in kink is very purposeful. If I blindfold you then you will focus on sound and touch much more. If I'm putting nipple clamps on you, tying you up, and spanking your ass without a blindfold all that stimuli might help you stay present in the moment. In life for me sometimes there's too much for me to focus, or not enough and I zone out because I'm bored.

As far as communication goes we often have trouble understanding social cues, unclear communication, and nuance (I've accidentally taken a joke literally and been so confused more than once). In kink clear communication is absolutely necessary, so it's easier for us because everything is very clearly stated and discussed (if you're doing it right). This is one reason you'll find my directions are very detailed, and that I call you out when you don't follow it exactly. I get so stressed in life worrying I misunderstood something (or just zoned out), so I like to be really clear with what I say. And changing expectations stress me out because I never want to fail. So I try to be specific, and keep my expectations constant so you know what's expected of you. At first it can seem like I'm being picky over the details (which I'm allowed to be because I am a Goddess), but I lay out clearly what is expected, and then try to stick to it exactly.

I also feel often like I'm always out of the loop. Like everyone else has a road map for how to navigate basic things, and I wasn't given it. That was one reason I made the slides for my Submissive Ownership Program (this no longer exists) because I don't like when I'm unsure of what's offered or what the process is. I might not ask or even realize it's something that exists as a possibility. So I thought I would try to make it abundantly clear, so everyone has the same information. The same roadmap.

Lastly, (and I know this is a long read) I find it interesting I'm a Femdom because people with ADHD often lean towards subbing. For me I've come to realize I'm never submissive (I used to identify as a switch), but I realize I just enjoy occasionally bottoming. So I like being spanked or tied up, but you won't have my submission, you'll have more of a fight for power (making out with other dominants and fighting for who is in control is so hot for me). I even have my Best Bitch service top me sometimes. He will spank me or do what I ask of him, but he knows he is doing it at my request. But I generally want to dominate because if I'm not leading the action and taking an active role I might zone out. Being in charge makes me have to focus on what I'm doing, and keeps my thoughts from running away from me. It keeps me present. Now subbing is common in people with ADHD partly because that dopamine hit (happy brain hormones) you get when achieve a task and get praised. I get that hit from seeing you achieve it, and from learning to play with your kinks exactly. It's why on Reddit if I offer a choice between two things then "whatever you want Mistress" isn't an acceptable answer. I learn nothing about you from that answer and I need to work twice as hard to figure it out.

I'd love to hear any of my pets thoughts, especially if you're neurodivergent. And follow this link for a video by Catieosaurus on TikTok. She has many great videos on the overlap of kink and neurodiversity. This is just one, but it you're neurodivergent you will probably like a lot of her stuff.