The Best Advice For Your First Fetish Party
The Do's and Don'ts for attending your first BDSM Fetish Party!
Mistress Mystique Hoops
8/29/20243 min read
Your first fetish party can be a nerve wracking experience, but Mistress Mystique is here with all her best advice to make it a success!
Attend with no expectation of playing with anyone!
If you go in expecting to find someone to play with, it is easy to come off as desperate. And it is really easy to be disappointed. Instead you should go in with as few expectations as possible. Parties are a great place to find like minded friends, see play in action, or to learn about new skills or kinks. But if you’re only focused on finding a play partner then it is easy to miss out on those other things.
Attend the Munch ahead of time if one exists!
Many fetish parties will hold a munch either before the party, or on a different day. If there is a munch beforehand it is the perfect time to meet people and make friends before the party happens. People will usually be in street clothes for the munch, and it is way less intimidating to meet people. Many times a lot of the people attending the munch will be new to that party as well, and so it is a great way to make friends with people who are in the same boat as you. Even if the munch is not the same day as the party you can still go and meet other kinksters who want to participate with that specific group or space.
Do not touch anyone without consent!
Seems obvious, but it’s good to be extra aware of yourself. Even a hand on the shoulder or back could be problematic especially if they are not fully clothed (or even if they are). Consent is key, and the last thing you want to be is the creepy person!
Do not interrupt active scenes!
If people are playing a scene, be respectful. Give them some space, and try to be quiet nearby. Do not ask to join or give suggestions. Do not walk right through the space they are using. Do not try to talk to those in the scene right upon finishing, as they might still need to do aftercare. I have definitely seen creepy men who try to scoop up a sub, to attempt to play with, right after they’ve finished playing and are still in subspace. Let them have time to get back to themselves instead of jumping right in to approach them.
Learn the rules of the space you are in!
Many fetish parties or spaces have rules. It is always best to do your research. Don’t just assume.
Discuss before playing!
If you do end up playing with someone, make sure to discuss safewords, limits, and what they do like before you play. And you should also know your limits, and if you don’t, you need to be honest about that. Nobody wants to play with the person who says, “I have no limits! Do anything to me!” You come off not only as inexperienced when you say this, but also as someone who is a risk to play with. Everybody has limits, even if you are unsure what they are. If they wanted to castrate you, that would probably be a hard limit!
BONUS: Volunteer!
If you have a lot of social anxiety, volunteering is one of the best things you can do! Many parties even offer free entry for volunteers. If you are inexperienced you should not be a dungeon master generally, but a lot of volunteer jobs are things like checking tickets. Now you get to meet everyone in a low stakes way, and you won’t feel like you’re awkwardly standing in the corner. You are also way more likely to be quickly accepted into the community when you volunteer.